Firstly, I want to say thank you for actually taking the time to come here and read about my sad and sorry life (made all the more apparent by events of this past week), because it really means a lot to me. It is not my intention to lament about how life is a bitch, so please understand that I'm just in the middle of a very painful emotional swing at this point in time.
The exams took place this week, and needless to say, I was placing quite some hope on them. To say it simply, I've never been massacred so badly since ACS(I) days, and I'm very disappointed in myself. (only geog was reasonably do-able for me, and even then I can't be sure...) As I reflect upon reading week and the exam week itself, I realise that I could have done more in some ways, and I could have been more dilligent during the term time. It was not a very fun time for me, because everything was study, study, study, and yet I've fallen short of my own expectations because I took short-cuts along the way (and did some things that I was never meant to.)
Now that exams are over, I realise that I've messed up something big time (church stuff), and I've only a few hours to repair the damage before the meeting when I've to provide an update. The reason for such was that exams took up so much of my time during the week that I actually forgot about it, and was reminded about it suddenly around last evening (not a very nice end to an already horrible day). The fault is mine alone and I don't deny that.
However, I'm starting to think about my commitments (you know what mine are, and unlike you people, mine do not include wakeboarding, CSC or PRU). I've realised that I may have taken on more than I can handle, and it's not going to be doing others a favour if it continues this way. Service is a great priviledge, and I don't deny that for a moment, but I am a strong believer in the need to be faithful as a student during this season of life. Therefore, I've made a potentially painful decision that if I do not maintain a CAP 4.0 for Sem 1 (that is required to stay in my course at the end of first year), I'm going to cut my commitments drastically, because I've failed to show that I can handle them, and I therefore do not deserve them. I do not know what the results will be (only God knows), but I leave it all up to Him, and am prepared to accept the consequences of my own actions (or lack of them).
Last but not least, certain issues are bothering me as they have done since the middle of the year (my OG mates, Daniel, Aayush and Garima will know what I'm talking about). It is hard to concentrate on what I need to do when these cause me to become emo at the most inconvenient of times. I still trust, hope and wait.
I don't know when I'll recover from this (if I actually do, hopefully before Youth Camp), but I'm grateful for those of you who have tried to brighten up my life and showed concern for me. Incidently, it was quite recently that I started using the beautifully decorated birthday card from my wonderful OG mates as my laptop wallpaper, because I needed a constant reminder that I had friends like you, and as I read your encouraging messages, I really thank God for all of you and how you've been a blessing to me:)
The necessity of a near deadline calls me, but I simply wish for rest. and your company...
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